I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
