I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
