There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
