What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
