I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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