he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I cut my penus on the lid.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
