totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
