im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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