So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
