A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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