The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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