So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
