He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
