I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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