Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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