hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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