I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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