First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
