areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
