I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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