It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
did i walk over a car last night?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
