Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
