I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
