Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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