Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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