oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was confusing and full of hummus
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
