love makes seman taste better
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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