Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
