I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
