dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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