I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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