Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
