i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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