i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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