At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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