i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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