girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
