I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This baby is an asshole
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
