Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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