I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
