Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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