too bad you live with your parents still
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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