I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
