i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
