why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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