Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
