I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
