if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
