I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
