She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
